Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
