Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize