I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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