you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
