U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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