if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
