honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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