Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
