Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There's always time for handjobs
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
