Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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