oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize