Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
