you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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