her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
