Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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