I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
