Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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