"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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