You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
