Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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