My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
