Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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