I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
