and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
