remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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