i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
