That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
