Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
