it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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