i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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