smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
