..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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