so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
