Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
