I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
