hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
