Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
