she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize