So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
