Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize