i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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