Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
