she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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