I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
