Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
They have beer where we have blood.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
