God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
