Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
