they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Pants are for mortals
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