I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
