Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize