He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
