that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize