I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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