Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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