Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
