Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
