When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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