I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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