HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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