i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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