She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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