I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry about my life...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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