We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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