He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
