You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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