he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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