No awkward lesbian experiences without me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize