It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
