Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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