On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
