Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
