I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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