My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
